PARENTING
MARIJUANA AND TEENS
What the Experts Says
- "Marijuana is not a benign drug.
Use impairs learning and judgment, and may lead to the development of mental
health problems." ~American
Medical Association
- "Smoking marijuana can injure or destroy
lung tissue. In fact, marijuana smoke contains 50 to 70 percent more of
some cancer causing chemicals than tobacco smoke does." ~American Lung Association
- "Teens who are high are less able to make safe,
smart decisions about sex - including saying no. Teens who have used
marijuana are four times more likely to have been pregnant or have gotten
someone pregnant than teens who haven't." ~National
Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy
- "Marijuana can impair perception and reaction
time, putting young drivers, their passengers and others on the road in
danger. Teens, the highest risk driving population, should avoid anything
that might impair their ability to operate a vehicle safely." ~American Automobile Association
- "Marijuana use may trigger panic attacks,
paranoia, and even psychosis, especially if you are suffering from anxiety,
depression, or having thinking problems." ~American
Psychiatric Association
- " Marijuana can impair concentration and the
ability to retain information during a teen's peak learning years." ~National Education
Association.
- "Recent research has indicated that for some people
there is a correlation between frequent marijuana use and aggressive or violent
behavior. This should be a concern to parents, community leaders, and to
all Americans. ~The
National Crime Prevention Council.
And, according to the National
Institute on Drug Abuse, marijuana can be
addictive. In fact, more teens are in treatment with a primary diagnosis
of marijuana dependence than for all other illicit drugs combined.
Teens say their parents are the single most important influence
when it comes to drugs. Know their friends. Ask them where they are
going and when they will be home. Take time to listen. Talk to your
teens about marijuana. To learn more about marijuana and how to keep your
teens drug-free, visit http://www.theantidrug.com
or call 1-800-788-2800
How to Keep Your Kids Drug-Free!!
RAISING DRUG FREE KIDS
This year at least 2.4 million young Americans will use drugs. In a recent study by the University of Michigan research scientists, more than half of high-school seniors admitted to using illicit substances at some point in their lives; the proportion of 8th graders using illicit drugs has almost doubled since 1991. Gen Barry R. McCaffrey (Ret.), directory of the Office of National Drug Control Policy, calls the findings nothing short of a "disaster".
Says Lloyd D. Johnston, who led the study, "Kids know less today about the risks of using illicit substances than they did a decade ago." The reason: schools, media and parents have let their guard down. Fortunately for many parents seeking help, much is known about preventing drug abuse. What follows is an abridged article that appeared in the April 1997 issue of Reader's Digest with some of the best and latest information on what you can do to help your child.
A Good Beginning
Early Steps A parent's actions even before a child's birth a are critical to helping that child stay off drugs in later years. Drugs, including nicotine and alcohol, can cross the placental barrier and damage a fetus as early as 3 weeks after conception. And some research suggests that babies born to addicted mothers may be at higher risk of addiction later in their lives. In addition, experts agree that loving attention is important in developing lifelong self-worth - and that lack of self-worth is a major reason for drug use. Long before your children are ready for school, establish family guidelines for behavior: honesty, fairness, respect for others and for the law.
First Lessons As soon as they're old enough to understand, teach your children that some products found around the house, including household cleaners, aerosols and medicines can be poisonous.
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Children five to nine years old still learn mainly by experience. They can slide from fact to fantasy and back again without even realizing it. What they see, however, is very real to them. Though teachers often achieve herolike status, it's what children encounter at home that counts the most.
"With young children, what's important is not what parents say but what they do," says Ruth-Ann Rynn, a grade-school teacher from Ridgefield, Conn. "If children see their parents drinking and smoking, they're more likely to follow that example."
Most experts agree that it is okay if your kids see you having an occasional drink. But if they see you using alcohol as a regular coping mechanism, it is not. Moreover, don't let your children be involved in your drinking by having them make you a cocktail or bring you a beer.
Good Choices Now is when to begin teaching your children to make decisions on their own and to impart "don't be a follower" lessons. By the late elementary-school years, many children know of classmates you have begun to smoke, drink or use drugs.
Sniffing Danger. Now is also when kids begin to encounter inhalants: pressurized aerosol products such as paints and cooking sprays or model glue. Kids inhale these volatile substances in order to experience a high. The fact that the momentary "buss" can cause permanent brain damage, even death doesn't occur to these youngsters. One of the most important lessons parents can teach their children at this age is how to say no.
Escape Routes Help kids stay away from places where they may be pressured to use illegal drugs. If there's a party, they should ask, "Who else is coming?" and "Will your parents be home?" As a last resort, tell your kids if they sense trouble brewing, just get out. Teach your kids to be aware of how drugs and alcohol are promoted. Kids nearing their teens are increasingly tuned into TV movies and music that bombard them with images of drug and alcohol use.
How do you talk to your kids about drugs? Start anywhere, advises the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, a national coalition. Don't worry about how you kick off the discussion, and don't get discouraged if it seems your kids aren't listening. Make one thing crystal clear: you feel strongly that drugs are dangerous and you do not want your child to use them.
MIDDLE SCHOOL MANIA
This is probably the most vulnerable period in a child's life, a time when peer pressure hits with a vengeance. Their hair gets longer or maybe disappears or turns pink. Their clothes are bizarre, their music funky. Hormones bubbling kids this age are curious about everything - and willing to try just about anything that makes them look cool.
Facts, Not Fear Educators believe that if kids this age are going to resist the peer pressure and temptations around them, they need to be armed with information - not scare tactics. Many messages kids hear are designed to frighten them. If you drink you'll become an alcoholic, anyone who does drugs is bad. Then guess what? They see a friend smoking pot at parties, and she's still getting A's. They see a basketball player take a drink, and he's still playing well. The contradiction makes them question the whole message.
Many kids today know more about drugs that their parents. That's why parents need to do their research and speak accurately about what drugs do. Keep advice in the here and now. At middle-school age, talking about long-term health threats doesn't have much effect. Kids are concerned with looking good to their peers. Point out that cigarettes smoking causes bad breath and could give them yellow teeth, or that if they drink they might become ill and throw up in front of their friends.
Setting Limits Many young people use drugs simply because their friends do. To reinforce a child's ability to resist, get to know your child's friends and their parents, and monitor your child's whereabouts.
Steering children toward the right crowd is not always easy. Declaring a friend "off-limits" may only make that person more appealing. Advise your children to choose their friend's wisely. "You lie down with dogs, you're going to get up with fleas."
Keeping Busy Research has shown that when teens are unsupervised and have little to do, they are more likely to experiment with drinking and drugs. Keep children involved and busy.
Staying InvolvedTwenty years of scientific research have shown that direct parental involvement in the life of the child is the most protective factor in increasing the odds that a kid will remain drug-free. US Secretary of Education Richard Rile urges parents to visit their child's school and talk to teachers and administrators. Find out what you can do to improve drug-prevention programs.
High School Tests
Peer pressure still holds sway. Being accepted as one of the gang is a top priority. And though susceptibility to influence may be less than it was during the middle-school years, exposure to drugs and alcohol is even greater - especially once a teen gets a driver's license. Kids this age need to be reminded that as bad as drugs and alcohol are for their bodies, what those substances can make them do can be equally dangerous. A hot question among baby-boomer parents today is: "What can I say to my kids if I smoked pot when I was younger?" If confronted by your children, be open and honest. Author Peggy Noonan, who experimented with pot in college offers this advice: "You did it, and it was wrong - be an adult and say so. It's one thing to be ambivalent about your own choices. It's another to be ambivalent about your child's."
To every parent the US Department of Education offers these words of advice, "Setting rules for a child is only half the job. Parents must be prepared to enforce the penalties when the rules are broken." Experts recommend:
- Be specific Make sure your child knows what the rules are, the reasons for them
and what the consequences will be if they're broken.
- Be consistent "Just saying no" can be as hard for parents as it is for a kid. Sometimes caving in to a persistent request is the path of least resistance. but if the answer to a request should be no, stick to it.
- Be reasonable Don't add new consequences after a rule is broken, and make sure the punishment is appropriate. "Consequences are most effective when they fit the infraction. Grounding may be appropriate for a broken curfew, but it's meaningless when applied to something such as not making the bed.
Keep listening According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, it's important that parents "don't do all the talking." If you listen carefully to your children and read between the lines, you can learn a lot about what they think about drugs - and help then avoid the pitfalls.
To keep children away from drugs, one thing is clear: schools, community, religions institutions, the police - all of them can help. But no one can replace the family. The work that parent's do is critical. Experts agree it is highly likely that youngsters who don't do drugs as teens will no do drugs as adults.
Talk to you children. Listen to them. Set standards of right and wrong. Keep in mind that they learn by example. Love, support and praise them so they will have a sense of self-worth. Keep them busy. Be involved with - and on top of - their lives. Educate yourself about drugs.
Remember, don't let your silence be acceptance.
What to look for
No single factor determines who will use drugs, but here are some warning signs that a teen may be using:
Drop in academic performance Lack of interest in grooming Withdrawl, isolation, depression, fatigue Aggressive, rebellious behavior Excessive influence by peers Hostility and lack of cooperativeness Deteriorating relationships with family Change in friends Loss of interest in hobbies and sports Change in eating or sleeping habits Evidence of drugs and paraphernalia: pipes, rolling papers, medicine bottles, eye drops, butane lighters Physical changes: red eyes, runny nose not due to a cold, coughing, wheezing, bags under eyes, frequent sore throats, bruises from falls
Don't confront a child who seems under the influence. Wait until the effects of the substance wear off, then discuss suspicions calmly. Impose whatever reasonable discipline you feel is appropriate for violating the rules. Be firm. Don't relent because the child promises not to do it again.
Where to get help
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment 1-800-662-HELP
PRIDE (Parents' Resource Institue for Drug Education) 770-458-9900 or click here
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc, 1-800-356-9996
Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 1-310-547-5800
Cocaine Helpline 1-800-COCAINE
Drug Strategies for a school drug-prevention program guide, call 202-663-6090
Partnership for a Drug-Free America http://www.drugfreeusa.org
US Department of Education http://www.ed.gov
You
Can Curb Teem Drinking
Teenager
whose parents closely monitor their lives and who report low stress and low
levels of family conflicts are less likely to engage in underage drinking,
according to researchers at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. To minimize
household stress:
- Make
time for family discussions.
- Know
the whereabouts of your children and who they're with.
- Make
and enforce household rules. In controlled environments, teens are less
likely to be substance abusers.
Been There! Done That! Toilet Training Tips
By Lisa Julian (Mother of Three) 781-849-5880
Toilet Training should be a fun and exciting experience for both you and your child. Remember, your child should feel in control of the process, not you. Take a slow, casual, matter-of-fact approach, and make it fun! Always encourage and praise your child. Do not begin training until your child shows signs that he/she is ready.
Every child is different. Most are ready for training between two and
two and a half years old (some as young as 18 months or as old as 3 years).
Start at a time when you can spend a lot of time together- when your child
is eager to please you and there are no major distractions or traumatic events
in his/her life (new sibling, divorce, moving, new caretaker, etc.).
Never pressure or punish your child for unsuccessful attempts at using the potty.
Most of all, be patient! Your child will learn to use the potty when he or she is ready
(and not before!).
15 Signs of toilet training readiness
Your child is ready to learn potty skills when he or she.
1. Has bowel movements at about the same time every day
2. Can stay dry for a few hours or wakes up dry from sleep
3. Knows that he/she has to go to the bathroom
4. Understands the association between dry pants and using the potty
5. Can pull her pants up and down
6. Lets you know when he/she has soiled his/her diaper (likes to stay dry)
7. Can follow simple directions like, "lets go to the potty"
8. Understands potty terms (wet, dry, pee, poop, dirty and potty)
9. Can tell you he/she has to go to the bathroom
10. Imitates other family members
11. Shows interest and asks question while watching you
12. Wants to do things "by myself"
13. Enjoys washing his/her hands (like to be clean)
14. Gets upset if his/her belongings are not in their proper place
15. Wants to please you!
Getting Ready
Start by reading toilet learning books to your child (15 months and up). Once
your child is ready for toilet training; you can go to the store and purchase
training pants and a potty chair. Bring your child with you so that he/she will get
excited about the whole process. When buying training pants, if you are
choosing cotton, let your child pick out his/her favorite ones (Rugrats, Batman,
Barbie etc.). Cotton training pants will let your child feel the wetness and
will train faster. The downside is that they are messier! Disposable training
pants are easy for cleanup and on the go but it may take longer to train
if your child does not feel the discomfort of wetness.
If you buy cotton, buy more than one three pack. You will go through these
quickly and you want to have plenty in the diaper bag and dresser.
When purchasing a potty-chair, make sure you purchase a sturdy one. You
want your child to feel secure when he/she tries it. Your child's feet need to
be on the floor (This will eliminate his fear of falling in). You may also want
to buy an extra one for outside or to keep in the car (it's better to go to your
car and use your clean potty than go to a public restroom that hasn't been sanitized!)
It's Potty Time!
Introduce the potty in a casual way. Put it in a room where your child plays most often.
The kitchen is a good place, so you can supervise. It will also encourage your
child to use it more often if it is in plain view. Let your child play with it so he/she will
get accustomed to it. Then show your child how it works. At this time you can also put
your potty chart on the refrigerator. Explain to your child that each time he/she successfully uses
the potty, he/she will get a sticker for his/her chart (use praise too, of course). This will be
an incentive to get your child to start using the potty-chair. Once your child is
used to the potty-chair, you can start to encourage use of it.
At the beginning of training, increase fluids to encourage practice.
Encouraging practice will help your child learn the basic potty skills. In addition,
you will want to make sure your child eats lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Prune and apple
juice are always good staples to have around when BM training. You want to keep your child's
stools soft to prevent withholding of stools. When you see any signs that your child is about
to go (passing gas, wriggling, holding crotch or telling you), quickly tell your child it's time to use the potty.
All cooperation with attempts at using the potty should be praised with words like,
"What a big boy! Nicolas is using the potty just like daddy"! Also, remember to
praise your child and offer a sticker for his/her chart for every successful potty use. This
will help build self-esteem.
If you encounter problems
If your child is reluctant or refuses to use the potty, try to encourage him/her by offering to
read a story while sitting on the potty. If this still does not work, back off and
do not push him/her.
You can try to leave your child's diaper off at the time he/she usually has a
bowel movement (BM). Timing is an important factor in toilet training. If you sense that
he/she has to do a BM (gas for instance), take the diaper off right at the moment you
see your child getting ready to do his/her BM. If you do catch your child before the BM occurs, then
quickly take him/her to the potty and tell him/her that this is where the poop goes. Hopefully
if you catch your child at the precise moment, he/she will look for relief and let you
guide him/her to the potty. If your child protests a bit, gently encourage and
explain to your child "that he/she is a big girl/boy now and mommy and daddy expects you to use the potty".
Remember, encourage and guide, but do not force your child to sit. If your child refuses
to sit on the potty, then he/she is not ready. If your child pees and poops constantly in
his/her underwear, then he/she is not ready. No big deal, try
again in a month or so. This is normal!
Let your child take the lead. Your child needs to be in control of the process.
Withholding of Stools
It only takes ONE painful BM to cause your child to be frightened of using the potty, so at all costs, make sure his/her diet has sufficient fresh fruits,vegetables and juice. If your child has a painful BM only once while trying the potty, it could delay potty training for months. He/she will associate painful BMs with the potty and will refuse to use it. If you suspect that your child is withholding his/her stools, it is best to stop training and increase the fluids. Always call your pediatrician if
you think your child is withholding. It can be serious if an impaction occurs. Tell your child at that moment, that he/she is not ready yet and that you will try again later.
Continue to play potty videos and read toilet learning books often to encourage regular
use of the potty so your child will grasp the concept. Keep the potty-chair out and
he/she will eventually shows signs of interest again. Remember, the keys to toilet training are
patience, praise, encouragement (and a sticker on his/her chart to build self esteem and make the learning
process fun).
Toilet training can get messy so be prepared and expect that there will be many mistakes.
Your child islearning a very difficult skill. Clean up any accidents without anger or showing
disgust. Do not make negative comments. Explain to your child that pee and poop go in the
toilet. You should also empty any accidents in underwear or training pants into the toilet and explain to your child that he/he/she is a big girl now and this is where the poop goes.
Try switching from diapers to training pants when your child does at least fifty percent
of his/her urine or bowel movements in the potty. At night, you can use diapers until your child
wakes up dry for a couple of days in a row.
Remember, they are learning a very difficult skill. No one has ever said, "Toilet training is easy".
Make the process fun and you will have happy memories to look back on.
Helpful Toilet Training Tips! Make it fun!
Make a big deal about using the last diaper or let
your child help you throw out the diapers in the trash can. Shop
together for new underwear!
Dress your child in clothes that are easy to take on and off.
Never punish or scold your child for accidents.
If your child can't produce anything after 5 minutes of sitting on the
potty, its time to try later.
Train your child to wash his/her hands after using the potty.
Change diapers and/or accidents as soon as possible. Explain the need to
stay nice and dry. After awhile your child will want to stay nice and
dry.
Do not punish your child by keeping him/her in wet or soiled diapers.
This is counterproductive and will not teach your child to use the potty.
Do not pressure or nag your child to use the potty. The harder you push,
the harder he/she will resist!
Only remind your child to use the potty when he/she is showing signs
that he/she has to go.
Never force your child to use the potty.
Let your child put wet underwear in a designated place, such as the sink
or laundry basin and instruct your child to get and put on new ones.
All caregivers should use the same approach and method to toilet
training.
If using cotton underwear, buy more than one 3 pack (9 pairs should be good)!
Be prepared to spend some time in the bathroom with your child!
Spring and summer is a great time to toilet train! Let your child go
without his/her diaper.
Make sure your child's diet has plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables and juice.
Your child is trained when he/she goes to the potty without any assistance or reminders from you!
Good Luck!
Lisa Julian of Braintree, Massachussetts is the mother of four-year old Nicolas, three-year old Alexander and one-year-old Samantha. She is the founder of Lee-Bee Products, distributors of motivational tools for children, including toilet training and chore charts. Her line is available in local Massachusetts stores at Rhyme 'N' Reason, Learning Express and Storybook Cove. For more information, call 1-781-849-5880 or toll free 1-888-668-6615.
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD?
Living with a child means nurturing, talking, directing and
listening. It means doing things together and doing things apart. But no matter how much
time parents and children spend together, there are always some important or
interesting things that they can still learn about each other.
Take a few minutes and answer the following questions on your
own. Then schedule a time to sit down with your child and talk with him/her
about what he/she wants to answer to these same questons. This is the fun part!
Don't make judgements. There are NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWERS. This is just one way to get a little extra peek at how your child thinks and feels. Later - when you have a little time alone - you can compare your answers with those of
your child.
Did you learn anything new about him/her?
1. Who is your child's best friend?
2. What color would he/she like his/her room to be?
3. What embarrasses him/her most?
4. What is his/her biggest fear?
5. Who is your child's favorite adult (Other than Mom or Dad)?
6. What is his/her favorite television show?
7. If you could buy your child anything in the world, what would it be?
8. What really makes your child angry?
9. What would your child like to be when he/she grows up?
10. What foods does your child like most?
11. What foods does your child dislike most?
12. Which would your child prefer as a pet: A cat, a dog, a bird, or a fish?
13. What is your child's most prized possession?
14. What is your child's favorite story book?
15. What is your child's favorite place to go?